Technically, this is cheating, because I wrote the same thing on Facebook. But I like it so much, I want to preserve it here as well.

I recently read about an online site (deathclock.com) that estimates your remaining years of survival. The site is probably a front for something even more sinister, like identity theft—but, being the fool that I am, I tried it out. It turns out that I’ve been officially dead for almost a full year. I hope my friends will now be willing to cut me more slack for my moodiness.

Just for kicks, I plugged in a much lower body mass index and discovered that this state of affairs would render me alive again, but give me only four more years of estimated survival.

Then, since I’m really a scientist at heart, I did three more trials with the original data, everything exactly the same, and discovered that the Death Clock is consistently pessimistic about me—but also is a bit wishy-washy. It’s possible I’ve actually been dead for four years, which would explain why there is so much dirty laundry lying about the house. Alternatively, I may have one year to live, or possibly three. Cheers!