I’m beginning to wonder what I’m doing writing a blog. It seems I’m writing only for myself and for one other person, who actually reads and occasionally comments on this stuff (thanks, Dan). The blog brought me back to writing again, of a creative type I’d never done. I had no idea I would be so open about my life, but that’s how it’s turned out. For the first three months I felt good every time I published a long piece, especially if I was able to bring humor into the equation. I believed I was doing solid work. I had no particular expectations about gaining followers and no particular ambition in this regard. Everybody writes.
But I don’t seem to be connecting with anybody. Blogging may not be the best activity for a depressed person who’s chafing against isolation. The potential for feeling more alone is too high. So I’m going to rethink this. I have ideas for a couple more posts. If I can pull them off, maybe I’ll keep going. Maybe I’ve just hit a bad patch. But one thing is certain: if this becomes an exercise in bathos or just serves to keep me living in the past, I need to abandon it. If I don’t recognize it myself, I’m counting on someone, somewhere, to let me know that I’m being self-indulgent. I feel I’m getting dangerously close to that.
VAPOR AND FLOW 
I’m not sure that my comments will help. But I will say that I wrote for months without getting anyone paying any attention to what I was writing. My “West Calhoun Hillbilly” blog is still basically an exercise in self-indulgence.
I think that you’re writing superb stuff. I think that you’ll find an audience.
But maybe that’s just me . . .
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Thanks, Dan. Your approbation always is encouraging. Probably this is simply a case of my loneliness leaking into the blog, which is something I don’t want to happen. The worse the depression, the harder it is to bring humor to what I write.
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I understand where you’re coming from, I truly do. It’s fun to get an alert that someone, somewhere has been touched by the words that YOU have to say… it’s very fulfilling! But what should be even more fulfilling is the fact that YOU achieve some sort of relief/ fulfillment/ appreciation/ feelings of wellness from writing about what is important to YOU. I think once it becomes a negative, nagging thing that makes you sink deeper into a hole… something must change. But don’t quit altogether. I’ve found brief hiatuses can inspire some great revelations and refreshment.. bringing rejuvenation to why it is you began to write in the first place. Sending great thoughts your way!
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Thanks so much for your supportive comments, Athenalete! The blog hasn’t become a nagging thing, fortunately, and I would probably continue writing just for myself. But, as I mentioned to Son of Sharecroppers, my depression and isolation sometimes affect my feelings about the blog. I enjoy the writing enough that I was afraid I was already running out of things to say. It was a great relief that I was able to write a humorous post a few days after I wrote this one. So I think you’re quite right about the way brief hiatuses can have a beneficial effect. Thanks again for reaching out! Just one connection like this has a positive effect. I’ll be checking out your blog. Your comment alone marks you as a good writer!
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